|
The Original.
Isn't this the most easy and convenient SPAM product ever? SPAM Singles are already cooked! This might just blow your mind. For your own safety, stop thinking about how easy SPAM Singles will make your life. It's time to enjoy. Take another bite and throw your head back and think wonderful thoughts of faraway places while you chew. Like a magic SPAM factory in the sky and what a delicious and convenient visit you'd have. This is the meaning of SPAM Singles.
|
100% White, Lean Turkey.
Everybody knows turkey is delicious and good for you. But who knew it was this easy? Well, we did. That's why we made SPAM Turkey Single. It's 100% white, lean turkey, in an easy pouch that makes “easy as pie” sound like a dirty lie. Because pie is not easy! Unless you make a pie from SPAM Singles. It could work, maybe. But don't reach for the stars so fast! Make a sandwich or something first. This is the meaning or SPAM Singles.
|
|
 Heat SPAM Single. Put it between slices of bread. You could get really fancy here and add some cheese or lettuce and tomato and onion if you'd like. No biggie if you don't. Then take several bites until finished. |
|
Remove SPAM Single from pouch. Place directly in between bread. No heating allowed! Then add your favorite cold sandwich fixings like cheese or lettuce and onion and tomato and mayo and other various condiments that you may have at your disposal. Enjoy your new sandwich one bite at a time. Repeat. |
|
While your eggs are cooking, place SPAM Single next to them in the frying pan. You could also use separate frying pans or griddles, but this way there are fewer dishes to be done later. When it's all ready, place the SPAM Single on your English muffin, then top it off with your eggs. Complete the sandwich by possibly placing some cheese on it and putting the other slice of English muffin on top. This could be the best breakfast of your life. |
|
Make your favorite salad (these usually include lettuce and various vegetables and dressing). Cut SPAM Single into strips. Fry them or don't. Put them on the salad. Toss. Eat. |
|
A pita is like a pocket made out of bread! You can fill this pocket with anything you'd like, and we know you'd like to fill it with SPAM. Now, a pita is supposed to be healthy. So make sure to add some lettuce and a couple slices of tomato. But then go crazy with a special condiment or sauce of your choosing. Like guacamole or horseradish or a curry paste or something. Your choice is between you and your pita sandwich. |
|
Grill your SPAM Single until it is nice and lightly browned and super delicious-looking. Then make a hamburger as you normally would, with lettuce and tomato and cheese and mayo and ketchup and mustard and onion, but only with a SPAM Single instead of hamburger. That's how it works. |
|
Make your favorite mac and cheese recipe. Slice and dice your SPAM Single into little bits. Add it to your macaroni and cheese. Blammo! You've got the most amazing dish contained within the confines of human imagination. |
|
This popular SPAM sandwich variation is a favorite of more gastronomically daring lumberjacks and pirates! A more hearty cousin of the hot or cold SPAM sandwich, it incorporates using a bagel instead of other types of bread. This type of revolutionary thinking is what makes the world go 'round. Get it? It's funny because the bagel and the world are both round things! |
|
Slice up your SPAM Single and place it in the middle of the tortilla. Add strips of bacon and lettuce and cover it with ranch dressing. Roll it up! Chew it down! Tell your friends! |
|
While you are reading a book, your mind may become fatigued and need sustenance. Reading is hard work and sometimes you need snack. So when the words get hard or blurry, rip open a SPAM Single and eat it. You'll be back to comprehending things in no time. |
|
The world is a large place. You never know where you might find yourself getting hungry. With a SPAM Single Necklace, you'll always know where to find your SPAM Single when you need it. This handy method can keep you from losing your mind if you get lost in the woods or at the mall. |
 |
How do I open SPAM Singles?
There are directions right on the back. I will now recreate them using different language in an attempt to quell any and all confusion. Firmly grip the SPAM Single near the top of the package, next to the handy perforation. Your other hand should hold the SPAM Single on the other side of the notch. With all your might and perhaps a random and satisfying grunt, rip open the pouch roughly. From the bottom of the pouch, gently work the SPAM Single towards the top with a squeezing motion. Soon after, all your SPAM dreams will come true.
|
 |
How do I know when SPAM Singles are done?
Is this a trick question? Every form of SPAM products are fully cooked! Hah! You can't trick me, inquisitive consumer. Straight out of the pouch or can, you can eat any form of SPAM directly. No fuss, no muss. But SPAM is also fantastic warm. So if you wanted to warm it up somehow, here's what you need to know. There is what is called by some a “browning” that happens when SPAM is fried or baked. In the microwave, it's more like a snapping and crackling. But don't go overboard! Overcooking is a bad, bad thing.
|
 |
I didn't know that SPAM came in single slices. What should I do now?
Remain calm. That's the most important thing. Secondly, use the power of your brain and imagine how your life will be changed. Go easy at first, because this is a delicate matter that could easily blow your mind. If you need to relax, make a sandwich. A SPAM sandwich!
|
 |
Where can I take a SPAM Single?
To work. To play. To a party. On a roadtrip. To a play. To the disco. To your cousin's house, you know, the one with the turtle. To a movie. On a night on the town in a swanky limousine. On a date (bring two so you don't have to share). To your wedding. Are you familiar with the mathematical concept of infinity? Well, it's even more than that. So, pretty much everywhere. SPAM Singles are NOT banned by law anywhere.
|
 |
Where can I keep my SPAM Singles when I'm not eating them?
There is no right answer here. SPAM Singles are like snowflakes, and each will have it's own special place in our hearts. Try a bookshelf, or in your pocket, or behind the TV, or even under your pillow. If you are not sure, stare intently at your SPAM Single. Eventually, through positive mind actualization properties, you will know where to put it.
|
 |
Is a SPAM Single the same SPAM as SPAM in the can?
Yes, and no. It is the same wonderful treat with the same tongue-splitting amazing taste as always. But also, a SPAM Single is very different. It can easily fit in a pocket. It is just enough for one person. It has more aerodynamic and perhaps shiner packaging. A SPAM Single is alone, fighting a bland world, shouting “I am but a single slice! I taste good! I am convenient! And I am PRETTY!”
|
 |
Can I give SPAM Singles as gifts to my friends and family?
I am ashamed that you need to ask. It means that you haven't done so already. I will pretend I didn't see you as you hustle yourself down to the store right now and buy some as gifts. Don't you love your family? Sheesh!
|
 |
What are the advantages of a single slice of SPAM?
How many knives have you washed in your lifetime? Too many! Now with SPAM Singles, you may never have to wash a knife again. Why should you spend your life looking at knives and wondering if they're dirty and thinking that if you use that knife, you're just going to have to clean it anyway. No more. Kiss dirty knives goodbye. Not literally, though. You could cut your lips and that would hurt.
|
 |
Are SPAM Singles suitable for framing?
You read my mind. Absolutely! I recommend a medium wood color to offset the wonderful highlights of the label designs. Maybe put a classic and a turkey in the same frame? An instant and classic art installation. All the fancy art museums will be so jealous.
|
